So I was wandering, as I often do, through the magical forest a couple of hundred yards from my house, when I stumbled upon an intoxicated elf.

"[flabbety-blabbety] you," the elf blurted, tripping over an errant tree root.

I greeted him, grabbing him by the neck and demanding that he give me his gold with the threat of a painful death -- as was my custom in such circumstances. Up to this point in time, the process had yielded me with a healthy living. Unfortunately, this particular elf was too intoxicated to appreciate the value of his own life.

"Oh for [fuddle-duddle-mcmuddle] sake," he grumbled. "Fine., you can have it, you louse. Just answer 3 riddles."

I told him to shove it and just give me his money. The elf wouldn't have it. He didn't handle his liquor very well. Finally, reluctantly, I agreed, and he managed to tell me the following 3 partial tales:


Smithy cut between the stalks of grain, briskly heading toward the town. The alien was now protruding out of his chest quite conspicuously.

"This," he thought, "will be difficult to explain to my wife."


He strained to keep his grip on the Elephant's foot. The straggly hair and dry, broken skin slipped against his sweaty palms. His stomach curled momentarily as he fell, only to be comforted briefly by a hard landing on the shell of a massive turtle. Rolling, he slipped off. It was turtles all the way down.


Suddenly, the watch detached itself from his wrist. Moving swiftly, almost imperceptibly, past his madly swiping hands and off his shoulder, it stretched itself around his neck. As his consciousness began to fade, a mild beeping indicated that it was 3 o'clock. Today he would be late.


When he finished I beat him to within an inch of his life. Drunk, delerious, and barely conscious, he finally gave me access both to his gold and to the answer to his riddle hidden in the three stories.

The gold was thoroughly useful, but the riddle was doing nothing for me. Therefore, I've decided to put it to good use. If any person can solve this riddle, they may become a contributor to Citizen Awesome. Consider it an entry test of sorts.

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