I'm not afraid to defend the legitimacy of Barry's all-time home run record, no matter what other fans may say. Barry Bonds showed America just what we can all achieve if we all continue to be assholes and cheaters despite overwhelming hatred against us.

Besides, in spite of his appalling personality and cheat-to-win attitude, has he really gone so far as to diminish the baseball greats of yesteryear? Ty Cobb would be more likely to take issue with the color of Bonds' skin than his jerkoff demeanor, which the two largely shared. Mickey Mantle would be fine with Bonds, albeit a bit jealous about all the drugs Barry had available when all Mickey had were lousy amphetamines. And Babe Ruth? Well, he'd probably just be lightly amused by the talents of Mr. Bonds, the latter of whom never did quite manage to hit more than twice as many homers as every other player in the league. (Bonds is also a tad bit behind the Babe in the wins column as a pitcher.)

Still, as injecting steroids into one's ass cheeks becomes a more important motion in baseball than a pitcher's delivery or a batter's swing, it seems nothing is sacred in the baseball record books. To think there was a time when diminutive goof balls like Phil Rizzuto were considered great ballplayers; now every shortstop down to the Toledo Mud Hens is hitting 40 home runs a year.

And so we must wistfully turn our nation's lonely eyes to Joe DiMaggio and his still uncontested 56 game hitting streak. Woo woo woo.

Comments:

---