Hello. Its time for you guys to get yo self CURRENT with all the CRAZY stuff happening around the world these days. From around the world, these events, which are current, affect YOU!

First off, there was this crazy mass murder home invasion in the Connecticut suburbs, giving yet another reason for rich people to wish they were poor so they couldn't afford to live in those dangerous neighborhoods. Children cannot sleep without checking to make sure the 5000$ alarm system is on and all the doors are locked, bolted, and welded, because there are BAD MEN out in the suburbs, who look specifically for houses which has doors that are NOT welded shut. Hopefully, neighborhood watches will take the suburban streets back and make it safe again for the normal child-molesting priest. If you live in a suburb, WATCH OUT. Be on your guard against parole violators and be vigilant!

Thats the current event for today! Keep on reading those newspapers, young Citizens!

FOR ASHLEY: Wow, you write so well. You wanna, uh, get a drink sometime? Maybe dinner at Chili's?

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