Mr. Less does a fine job of keeping us informed of the pressing issues plaguing the world, but he's always rather light on the political scene, which I know interests ALL of our fans. From the left to the right to the up to the reverse to the four-wheel drive, I'm here to bring you nerds the ammo you need to sound hip at the local bibliothèque.

Mitt Romney, a Mormon with a humble $250,000,000 in personal finances, was able to contribute the most money to the Iowa Republican Party in this weekend's straw poll. For some reason, 4,516 people paid $35 for the privelege to say they like Romney, and 9,786 Iowans for the privelege to meet Jack Nicholson and Kiefer Sutherland in the soon-to-be double-Guantanamo Bay in 2009.

In second place was Mike Huckabee, the titular character of I Heart Huckabees, followed by Sam Brownback. If that name excites you, calm down: it is Samuel, not Samantha, and he does not actually have a brown back. His penis is as white as the rest of them. In fourth at the Straw Poll was Tom Tancredo, a man possessing the necessary wisdom and experience to know that the only way to keep America safe from terrorism is to incinerate all Islamic holy sites. Nearly 2,000 Iowans agree with him. Go get 'em, Tom!

By now, you've probably noticed that your tears don't taste as bitter as usual. That's because Karl Rove has announced he is resigning from the White House at the end of August. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, FOLKS! Our sources tell us that Rove has decided to return to the streets, to keep all those ladies out there pleased. Godspeed, Karl.

Well, there you go, friends. Consider yourself qualified to start a blog and appear on CNN, because you've just been poli-TICKED!

Comments:

---