Maybe you've seen it on store shelves. Maybe you've bought it. Maybe you've force-fed it to your children, dog, or grandmother. What is this mysterious item? No, not arsenic, but Trident White, a "whitening gum" from the people who brought you... other bubblegum flavors. It promises to whiten your teeth while tasting great. I decided to risk my life by putting a package to the test.

Please note: This review applies to package #2-1140-77-019, and is not representative of the gum as a whole. If you would like to know whether your pack of trident white is deadly, deadly poision, please send it to me for testing purposes.

I began my test in an upbeat and positive mood. I was looking forward to an enjoyable chewing experience. Before you send me angry letters, let me assure you that I am well aware that trident only guarantees to entertain your mouth with its "Trident Splash" line of gum, but I was certain that I would have a blast anyway. Whitening your teeth is awesome.

Sadly, after the first 6 blocks of chemical mixtures, I was noticing side-effects. By the end of the package, I was barely conscious, releasing random outbursts of gibberish, and punching fire hydrants. It was an unfortunate conclusion to an otherwise enjoyable chewing experience.

Of course, Trident White isn't poisonous. That was just an attention-grabber, fool. In fact, it has virtually no effects. It doesn't whiten your teeth, and based on their nutrition guide, I recieved 0% of my daily dose of everything -- SCORE! I don't know if that still applies when you swallow it all, but I'm sure it's not a big difference.






So there you have it. The best gum of the pack. And what a rollercoaster ride of a pack of gum it was. If you're looking for wild mood swings mixed with periods of sickness, then Trident White gum package #2-1140-77-019 would have been for you.

- "Honest Watson" -- bringing you solid reviews since September 23, 2007.

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